Resentment..

There isn't very much in life that renders me speechless, perhaps one or two personal moments but thats really about all, However, recently I have been faced with situations that have done just that. The idea of not knowing how to communicate how I feel without sounding, well, honestly bitchy, has left me with feelings of resentment. Being portrayed as something I am not or perhaps a misunderstanding between friends.. Regardless of the situation behind the feeling I hold the key to let go, yet here I am, lost for words with resentment slowly yet surely building a skyscraper inside of me. Will it improve, or am I destined for misery?

Are you serious?

Could it be because I am British that when faced with something I know nothing about you turn to me with a startled, disbelieving look on your face asking "Are you serious?" Well, I wouldn't ask if I knew..

struggling...

have you ever had something stuck on your mind and no matter what you do to help it just fails miserably? i dont know what to plan for make arrangements or just leave it alone... im a forward planner i have our bags packed a full month in advance for vacations etc so with only a week to go i find myself biting my nails and cleaning house..

Good morning..

good morning..

Unexpeted morning..

I had an unexpeted morning, I purchased a CD, and my thoughts turned to my little Angel.

I never got to hear you laugh
you never saw me cry
didnt get a chance to say "Hello"
you never said "Goodbye"
I didn't think that I could feel so sad, lost and forlorn.
I never knew God chose his Angels
before some of them were born.
Your life was short yet special
I shared it all exclusively
I felt you breathe, I felt you kick.
You were alive inside of me.
Every baby is an Angel and every angel is divine
God needed one in heaven
He came down and took mine
And although we are not together
we're not really apart
for you'll always occupy a space deep within my heart.
Time has begun to ease my pain
It's only some days now I cry.
When I wish I could have said "Hello"and heard you say "Goodbye"
Unknown.

Hannah-Rae would be celebrating her 5th birthday this April..

Memory and emotions.

Remember in "Harry potter" Dumbledore has a bowl filled with memories... I could really use one of those right now! However, I wouldn't know where to begin, Which memory would you store? Could you store emotions too? Would you even want to?

Would it be satisfying to be able to remove certain things from your mind? I am who I am because of history, because of those memories and emotions.. I am who I am because of someone today a friend, my husband even a stranger. It just takes one word to make or break a mood. Would you store that one word?

By storing such things in Dumbledores thing-a-me-jigger (Can't remember what its called) would you in turn be destroying yourself?

Psycho stalker crazy number 1 fan...

Yes me! I know.. Borderline insanity, Right?

Well, it all started back in January 2004, I went on a road trip to Salt Lake with my friend "John Kuchenmeister", He had a project he was working on for the radio station he worked with. He introduced me to "Ryan Shupe and the RubberBand" A group I had, quite frankly never heard of before, playing instruments which somewhat embarrasinly I had never heard of. without much expectation I sat through the entire cd with surprising result. I actually liked this band!

Thus begun the stalking! Having no idea who they were I came back knowing Google would be my greatest friend, Well, Several years of stalking the internet they came to CEDAR CITY UT.. Oh the excitement was insane.. They played at the Summer games, in the Rice Eccles Colluseum, I ran straight down to the field as close as I could get finally finding my way to the front barriers where I stayed screaming my heart out! I know sad and pathetic! They did amazing, I was indeed back in awe of this Utah band, ARGH HEAVEN!! Then I became a member on a well known social networkand found all the members 3 of which happily accepted me as a friend, Roger Archibald, Ryan Shupe and Ryan Tilby! I know Right? Well Me being the pesimist that I am chose not to comment on too many things on there wall's (If at all) Is it really them or someone faking it just like Prince Harry's profile (Yes I stalk him too)

Then 3 years later I was in a Las Vegas hotel room with my family and twin sister (Yes I said twin there is indeed 2 of me yes we are identical-K over it? Good) I got on facebook to post a picture of Yvonne and I all dressed up for Phantom when I notice an event invite.

Ryan Tilby, Keith Sorensen and Aaron (Can't remember last name-Yeah I'm terrible, My bad) were doing a house show AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE! Stalking more than before!

The Saturday of the gig February 4th, couldn't come soon enough.. I think I just blew up Ryan Tilby's wall with nonesence, I about died when my phone dinged telling me RYAN TILBY had actually posted on my wall status.. A long lengthy call to the UK followed.. I was a kid in a candy store! Pacing all over the house I was showered and dressed 3 hours early, more pacing.. More comments from Ryan Tilby on my wall I was going nuts! Can you believe I was about to meet one of my musical idols! Don't get me wrong he is no Garth Brooks.. But man RYAN TILBY!!

Finally we drop the kids off to Charlie's parents and we're on our way.. I walk in.. Whisper to Charlie, "Look thats him," Pointing like a little girl feeling all kinds of embarraesment.. Charlie looks over next thing I know Charlie is saying Hi Ryan, She is your number 1 fan! Oh I wanted to die, I may be a in your face girl but trust mesituations like this and I clam up.. but.. RYAN TILBY gave me a hug! ARGH!! "sighing" It was a fun night he started making fun of me for recording them finally my battery died. I got a few pictures of/with him.. Quite possibly one of the best nights of my life, At least in the top ten.. I even invited him to join us for the superbowlparty the next day.. Yeah he declined, But if you look on his facebook walland scroll down to Feb 4th, You will read his status....

"is upgrading Fiona Flowers from Facebook friend to Actual Awesome Friend."

Yes folks I'm his friend! I get to go see him for the day in St George on March 13th.. (Well the entire band) Until then Yes I am his psycho stalker crazy number 1 (But not in the misery form) fan!



If you made it through then YAY you xx One happy camper, Fiona..

Shrinking!

It's so exciting to step on the scale on a Saturday morning and realize you have lost 5lb! Great way to start the day..

I got dressed and found that my jeans no longer fit so they are currently in the washing machine (again) to see if they will shrink in the tumble dryer.. I look like a sack of potatoes gone wrong!

here's to healthy eating and exesize.. My new best friends!

And thanks to Leslie Groft's Body Semester..